Solutions for Smart but Struggling Students

Session 1: Instead of Focusing on Behaviors, Focus on the Things Causing the Behaviors

Ross Greene, Ph.D., Mona Delahooke, Ph.D.
Running time: 56:21


  1. malika on December 24, 2019 at 11:19 pm

    This is very well site. Good content

  2. Mike Snyder on December 21, 2019 at 9:03 pm

    So glad i ran across this via Mona Delahooks posting. Great 56 minutes. I shared — but would love to keep ‘getting the word out’ on your work!!! This stuff is so critical — especially for our educators. Breaking the ‘default’ of focusing on the ‘just stop doing that’ approach to behavior — and shifting the mindset to focus on the WHY behind the behaviors — is a game changer!
    KEEP ON!

  3. Robin on October 11, 2019 at 1:05 pm

    What a great talk. I was fascinated about what both Ross and Mona mentioned over and over again about the “old paradigm” and breaking free of that, and specifically what Mona said about the study in Rats…the fact that humans are not Rats and that there has been so much research on the brain and about how we think about behaviors and kids, and about how the old paradigm is just wrong because we know better now. Anyway, I know the focus of this was for the school setting, but it just made me think how much I’d love to see the two of them speak directly to all of the grandmothers and grandfathers who cling to all these old “wrongs” about our kids behaviors and about “compliance” and preconceived ideas about how our kids should be, act, etc. Ick….just makes me sad thinking about it. Anyway—I’d love something like that directed to our extended families that would compassionately help them understand (and Ross and Mona are extremely compassionate) that we know more scientifically about how the brain works now than when they were kids and they were parenting us, and we can do better than to hang on to old techniques that we know now harm, traumatize and hold our children back. Just a not-so-quiet addition to the future B&Q wish list !! Oh and we can put Susan Baum in here too! That’s 2 additions to the wish list 🙂

  4. Darlene on October 10, 2019 at 9:10 pm

    Amazing!!! I love Dr. Ross Greene thanks for including him. First time hearing Mona Delahooke P.D., looks like I have a new book to read. I love how they both said we need to share this new lens.

  5. siobhan lamb on October 10, 2019 at 8:03 pm

    It was great listening to these two together!! They are both awesome (as are you) and I loved how you interweaved their work together. I loved it when Ross said that self-care is solving the problem in a collaborative, pro-active and compassionate way. How he said that there is no better self-care then taking yourself out of the Heat of the Moment as much as possible! I try, I succeed, I try, I fail, I try again.
    Thank you again.

  6. Katie on October 10, 2019 at 1:26 pm

    Thank you so much for opening this up for those of us who can’t afford to pay for all access, but desperately need to hear this message. It is wonderful to be reaffirmed in the fact that we are a community and there are others out there who “get it.” Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’m going to get my nails done too, Ross!

  7. Valinda on October 10, 2019 at 12:23 pm

    This is Brilliant! So needed finally we are talking about this! Thank YOU!

  8. Caitlyn Irwin on October 10, 2019 at 11:06 am

    Thank you for an excellent talk! I want to forward this on and share it with the teachers at our schools, parents etc. It so wonderfully brings together this message of stepping back from compliance and looking at what challenging behaviours are saying. I particularly appreciate Debbie’s skilled facilitation of this discussion.

  9. Madelaine Werier on October 10, 2019 at 10:35 am

    PHENOMENAL session, thank you so much. Despite a lot of recent reading and participation in ‘Plan B’ parents groups, I still got a ton out of this. My 2 favourite quotes from the session (although so many good ones!):

    MD: “Use a lens shift to see these behaviours, not as criteria in the DSM5, but as adaptions worthy of compassion” LOVE!
    RG: “You don’t need to figure it out, you need to find out.” Honestly, how liberating is that?!

    Thanks again!

  10. Lauren on October 10, 2019 at 10:07 am

    Beth, we love your thoughts about advocacy! We need more people like you on the front line doing this.
    -Lauren with the Bright & Quirky Team

  11. Christine Leary on October 10, 2019 at 8:51 am

    Just finished watching Debbie, Ross, and Mona; what a great combo of knowledge, inspiration and support.

    This talk was a tremendous 56 minutes of self-care!!

    Thankful for everything—especially my new mantra: “Kids do well IF THEY CAN”.

  12. Alexandra on October 10, 2019 at 12:01 am

    Yes yes yes!!!! I love that you brought them together!! They make a wonderful team! Dr Ross is so right! No matter how many times you do your nails, the person doing them might trigger you if you have different mindsets, no matter how many walks around the block you take, you still feel alone if the system doesn’t support you! Just like Dr Mona said in the end, if we change the system we lower our stress level and that with the plan b you do with your child it the best self-care thing a parent can do and NEEDS!
    Thank you for this!

    • Lauren on October 10, 2019 at 9:37 am

      So glad you enjoyed the talk! They are the dynamic duo, aren’t they?
      -Lauren with the Bright & Quirky Team

  13. Jessica on October 9, 2019 at 7:12 pm

    Yes that’s what I love about kindergarten! You have an open schedule that can be changed and created with students based on what educators and students notice. The kindergarten program expectations are so open, which leaves students to learn at their own pace and this allows students to understand concepts are found in their play or inquiries, which help them make connections to their real lives. This also allow students to show their understanding of the expectations in many different ways through out the year. Learning to not interrupt the students learning to put our biases in their learning and help students through open ended questions allowing the students to come up with the answers. Our learning circles are things educators saw and noticed to guide students to help them solve their inquiries such as how to research to find their answers, work out problems as a class, etc. Being able to let go the control as teachers and practicing listening to students and creating those connections with students and having them take part in their learning and taking charge in what it looks like. Which shows lower instance of behaviour. After kindergarten, educators find the curriculum expectations become more narrow and rigid and doesn’t fit all students and see many behaviours. Again the education system needs to change.
    We do need to take care of ourselves through collaboration with students and be reflective and let go of the control.

    • Lauren on October 10, 2019 at 9:41 am

      Agreed, Jessica. Kindergarten is all about the ‘love of learning’ that somehow gets lost along the way. I wholeheartedly agree with taking care of ourselves, collaborating more, reflecting, and re-evaluating control. So glad you’ve tuned in for this!
      -Lauren with the Bright & Quirky Team

  14. Anne Ryan on October 9, 2019 at 6:20 pm

    great idea to have Ross Greene & Mona Delahooke to make a 3 person dialogue. I’ve watched all the B&Q’s, and the ongoing reinforcement is wonderful Thank you.

  15. Judith Evans on October 9, 2019 at 2:57 pm

    Awesome! ❤️ This. Lens change for LIFE!
    Thank you for putting these amazing conferences together. Drs. Ross Greene and Mona Delahooke have the tools to be a successful parent, teacher and caregiver, building the most beautiful relationships. These concepts and methods will change the ?. My heart is full as well. Maybe, I’ll get my nails done ?. And the truth is, I can get my nails done because I know my child is safe, because of the work we’ve done over the past 2 years, with all of your brilliance and wisdom. I can not thank you all enough.

    • Lauren on October 10, 2019 at 9:43 am

      Thank YOU, Judith, for listening and supporting the work and message! We love full hearts at B&Q!
      -Lauren with the Bright & Quirky Team

  16. Sabrina Zavaglia on October 9, 2019 at 2:50 pm

    Hello there-
    I am a teacher. It i challenging to convince others in the profession to change their approach. I know first hand that making that change works wonders. My son and I have made great strides…. especially when he is part of the solution. It was an excellent talk….

    • Lauren on October 10, 2019 at 9:47 am

      Please share this and your personal stories with colleagues! I also work in a school and I know teachers want to do better, but sometimes it comes down to new learning. So glad to hear about your own success with your son. It’s possible!
      -Lauren with the Bright & Quirky Team

  17. Beck Keough on October 9, 2019 at 2:44 pm

    Thank you very much for this insightful discussion. Ross and Mona really compliment each other in their commentary on the 2E child. I am a parent and an educator and as such this discussion ‘ticked’ a lot of my boxes in relation to learning, relationships and continuing to ‘presume confidence’ the child.

    • Lauren on October 10, 2019 at 9:48 am

      ‘Presuming confidence’ is so simple, but completely game-changing in application! We’re so glad you’re joining this valuable conversation.
      -Lauren with the Bright & Quirky Team

  18. Jenny on October 9, 2019 at 2:35 pm

    Yes. Great. Thankyou. We began a similar journey a few years back and it is still difficult to deal with the pushback from others who think we are being permissive as we don’t deal with things in the heat of the moment. Many Parents seem to delight in their ability to boss their kids around. I remind myself that we are parenting for 10 years from now not 10 minutes from now”. Long term healthy fruit is what we are after not compliance right now.

    • Lauren on October 10, 2019 at 9:49 am

      Parenting is indeed a long game with relationship at its heart. I love your priorities!
      -Lauren with the Bright & Quirky Team

  19. Juanita Durand on October 9, 2019 at 2:22 pm

    Thank you a million times for validating my instinct that my child is not willfully troublesome. Now I can use your credentials to convince the people who needs convincing to view her with the compassion she deserves without the added “BUT HER BEHAVIOUR”. Hope I conveyed what I try to say clearly. English is not my first language, coming from South Africa. Thank you too for giving this opportunity, though I would very much like to join properly with the exchange rate, such as it is, our budget just does not allow it. So we are very thankful for this precious gift of wisdom and knowledge that are going to impact so many lives positively.

    • Lauren on October 10, 2019 at 9:53 am

      You conveyed it beautifully! We’re so glad you joined us for these talks. We have others from South Africa in our tribe, and know the knowledge and resources in the area are low. We welcome you at anytime!
      -Lauren with the Bright & Quirky Team

  20. Sarah M on October 9, 2019 at 1:29 pm

    “We need to stop holding neurodiverse kids to neurotypical standards.” Ah, right there is a huge concept that is paradigm-shifting. Most of the world out there still doesn’t get this but it has been a HUGE help to us in our family. Big thank you to Ross, Debbie and Mona for this talk. I wish we could get this message out to all our teachers and school administrators yesterday. “Kids do well if they can!”

  21. Sabrina on October 9, 2019 at 11:42 am

    Wow! What a great talk. I am in the process of the paradigm shift and this really helped solidify my new way of thinking and parenting. It reaffirms that I’m on the right path, and I do feel more calm now that I’m not parenting from a reactive/behavior based lens. I definitely get pushback from my ‘family of origin’ who still operate from the behavior based lens, but have created space for myself to move away from those views. I’m already experiencing a more positive relationship with my girls.

    • Lauren on October 10, 2019 at 10:06 am

      Sabrina, so glad to hear about the reward of positive relationship with your girls. I admire the new space you have created to honor your mama gut and new thinking.
      -Lauren with the Bright & Quirky Team

  22. Beth Tolley on October 9, 2019 at 11:02 am

    What a treat! The two people who changed my world together in one webinar! I would love to be able to use this for state advocacy work! Thank you Debbie for bringing Mona and Ross together. Thank you Ross and Mona for a great presentation!

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